I don't mind that you spilled on my coat
by jo-tries-to-write
Summary: AU. Castiel is in a bar when he makes new acquaintances with another drinker. Another drinker with a troublesome family. Rated M for future chapters.
1. A regular at the Roadhouse

Castiel emptied his glass and put it back at the bar counter. He fingered it a bit, wondered by himself if he should waste money on another one. He decided his life wasn't going to mean that very much anyway, so he put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a bill.

"Hey, Jo," he said to get the bar tender's attention and held up the bill so she could see.

Jo looked up from the glass she was wiping. Her eyes wandered over the guests until she found who was talking to her. She put a curl of blonde hair behind her ear. "Another one?" she asked.

"Yeah," Castiel answered and soon traded his money for a new glass of whiskey. Jo took the bill and gave him a concerned look. He was probably spending moire time at the Roadhouse bar (why it was called the Roadhouse was still a mystery to him though, because it was in the middle of a city) than he should.

There were plenty of other guests at the bar, it was a popular place. Jo's mother Ellen was the one who owned it, and they were only three people working there; mother and daughter, and the guy Ash, who's purpose in the bar Castiel had not yet understood. Most of the other guests were lonely drinkers like Castiel, but some of them were there in groups of friends, celebrating for some reasons maybe, or just out having fun.

One of the lonely drinkers was a guy who, just like Castiel, used to be at the bar more than was healthy. Castiel had never talked to him, but from what he had heard Jo call him, his name was Dean. He was an attractive guy, no one could really deny that, with his short light brown hair and eyes so damn green. He was tall, and under the old leather jacket and layers of shirts he was probably muscular too. Castiel used to watch him now and then, not really able to keep his eyes away. One way to put it was that if Dean would ever show some interest in him he would definitely agree. Today Dean was for once sitting at the bar stool next to Castiel, who for the first time got a really good look at him. He was surprised by how tired the man looked.

As if someone up above wanted them to get to know each other, Dean moved to look at something behind him, and accidentally hit his own glass with his arm. It fell over, and the liquor spread across the counter, towards Castiel. None of them had time to react, so before Castiel knew it, part of the sleeve of his overcoat was soaked. Dean turned around as he felt his arm hit the glass and faced a surprised Castiel.

"Woah man, I'm so sorry!" Dean said, his hands fumbling in the air, unsure of what to do.

"Uhm... It's okay... I guess. I'll just have to wash it..." Castiel replied, lifted his arm and tried to see how bad it was. If he was lucky, he'd be able to wash most of it away in the rest room.

"You sure?" Dean put his hands on the counter. "I really didn't mean to, I swear."

"No, it's.. It's fine. You're the one who lost money after all."

"Yeah, I guess," Dean answered as Jo spotted the spilled drink and came towards them with a towel. Dean smiled at her, a charming smile who probably could get any woman to fall for him.

"What happened Dean?" she asked. "You okay Castiel?" She started to wipe the counter and put the empty glass away.

"I spilled my drink," Dean confessed. "Castiel," he frowned at the unusual name. "got it on his jacket.

"It's fine, really," Castiel said and tried to squeeze as much as possible from the beige fabric of his coat. "I just gotta go and clean myself up." He left the bar and headed for the rest room.

About five minutes later, Castiel came back to the bar. He'd been able to wash most of the liquor off, but he would still need to wash the coat when he got home, and now it was wet from water instead of alcohol. But Dean was still by the bar, at the same chair as before. He was talking to Jo, who when she saw Castiel walk towards them, leaned back from the counter and returned to serve drinks to the other customers.

Castiel sat down at his chair and found his glass still standing there, un-touched. He emptied it.

"It didn't ruin your coat I hope," Dean said.

"No."

"Good." Dean drank from his own glass. He must have ordered a new one while Castiel was gone. "So..." he started. "What brings you here?"

Castiel wasn't really any good at conversations, but he liked Dean. "Just... Needs some time away."

"Away from what?"

Castiel shrugged. "You know... Everything. What about you?"

"Kinda the same I guess," Dean said as he drank again. "But you're a usual here, aren't you?"

Castiel frowned. Dean had noticed him? Hm. He realized that Dean was probably expecting an answer. "Yeah," he said, a little late. "Just like you."

"Hm," Dean finished his drink. "Aren't you gonna have some more?" He looked at Castiel's glass.

"Uhm, no actually. If I spend too much on the drinks I wont have money for the rent. It's too bad though."

Dean smirked. "I'll buy you one. After all, I almost ruined your coat."

Castiel was going to say that he didn't need to, but Dean had already asked Jo for two whiskeys. Jo refilled their glasses and took the money Dean handed her.

"Really Dean, you don't have to."

"No no, it's fine." Dean smiled. "You know what, Castiel... Hm. Castiel is a long name, I'm gonna need a short for that. What about Cas? Can I call you Cas? Great. Anyway, we should talk you know."

Castiel raised his eyebrows. It seemed like Dean had gotten pretty much to drink tonight. He hadn't wait for Castiel's agreement on the nickname, but Cas was fine. He liked that. He drank from his glass. "Talk about what?"

Dean smiled. He really looked kind of drunk now when Castiel - Cas - thought about it. "You know, talk man. We've both been drinking at this bar at the same time for weeks and we haven't really talked yet. We should do that." He surprised Cas by emptying his glass in one single movement and then asked Jo for one more.

Jo looked at him, judging, while she poured up more whiskey. "I'm not serving you anymore tonight, Dean. This is the last one." She handed the glass to a smiling Dean.

Cas chuckled. "Too bad," he said.

"Too bad."

They talked for a while longer, about everything and nothing. Castiel found out that Dean was a mechanic at the Singer Auto salvage yard just outside of town, and in return he told Dean that he was a writer. And apparently, they didn't live that far away from each other either. In fact, it turned out that Dean was living in an apartment just around the corner from Castiel's. Dean told him about his younger brother Sam and about his "uncle" Bobby. He never spoke about his parents, and Castiel didn't ask. Castiel told Dean about his siblings Gabriel and Anna, and about his father Chuck. But when the clock started to get close to two, they both decided it was time to leave. Dean hadn't managed to get anything else to drink from Jo, and Castiel hadn't bought anything more for himself, for Dean's sake.

When they got outside the door they left the voices and the warmth from the bar behind them, and stepped out in a quiet and cold October night. Castiel's breath turned into smoke as he spoke. "We might as well walk together. We're on the same path anyway, aren't we?"

"We sure are," Dean said as he started to walk. Castiel joined him.

They walked close, real close, their arms pretty much touching each other. Castiel, who liked Dean more and more, wanted to take Dean's hand, but he fought the impulse. They were both drunk, Dean more than himself though, and he didn't want to do anything he would regret later. Because if Dean would turn him down in any way... Castiel didn't have many friends and he knew he had to be careful if he wanted to gain more.

Castiel stopped under a street light. "It's not any further for me," he said.

Dean turned around and stopped too. "So this is where you live?"

Castiel nodded. "Yes. But, uhm... I guess I'll see you at the Roadhouse?"

Dean smirked. "Damn straight you will. I'm a regular. Just like you."

Castiel smiled and waved before he opened the door to the house. Dean waved at him before he turned and continued walking. Castiel walked up the stairs until he reached the third story, where his apartment was. He unlocked the door and went into bed quite quickly. Before he closed his eyes he hoped that he had at least made a new friend tonight.

* * *

**A/N: So... I don't really know where this is going, but I hope you want to read more. I will try to do some kink in this story, but I've never really tried it before (because I don't expect myself to be good at it), but we'll see. I wont be able to update very soon, since I'm not at home, but as soon as I can, I will.**


	2. Laundry, shopping and bad people

Castiel woke up the next morning with a light hangover and headache. It was just about ten o'clock, but he figured he might get out of bed already, even though it was a Saturday. After all, he both had laundry time and needed to get groceries today. Tired and not really awake, he took a shower and put on a pair of jeans and an old t-shirt before he brewed some coffee. There was no newspaper today, so breakfast didn't really take that long.

After he'd brushed his teeth, Castiel put all of the dirty laundry of this week in a bag and had almost left the apartment when he remembered to bring his coat. He smiled at the memory of Dean's little mistake that might be leading them towards a new friendship. He put the coat in the bag and went downstairs to the house's laundry room.

He started one machine with laundry and went upstairs again. The washing machine here was old and needed more time than others to get ready. He, and other tenants, had complained about it to the landlord, but he'd refused to buy a new one. But in the meantime, he decided he'd go to the store for the groceries.

There was one problem though. Since his over coat - that many people kept calling trench coat, despite him correcting them - was getting washed, he had no jacket. And it was too cold to leave the house without one. And he couldn't wait for it to be cleaned either, 'cause it would need several hours after that to dry. But after he'd spent about ten minutes looking in his closets, he found an old winter jacket, that he'd bought years ago to use while he was skiing. But he hadn't used it for about five years, since he stopped skiing after a fall where he almost broke his legs. It was a pretty ugly jacket and he couldn't understand why he had bought just that one. But since he had nothing else, he had to use it for this one time. Castiel put on the jacket and put his wallet and keys in its pockets and left the apartment.

The road to the grocery store was short, but he was glad he'd brought the jacket. But when he arrived to the store he put the jacket in the shopping cart - he didn't want to be seen with it more than necessary. He slowly started to get what he needed from the shelves.

"Cas?"

Castiel turned around to face Dean. The man was dressed in the same leather jacket as yesterday, but wore a new shirt and pair of jeans. He was smiling, though bags under his eyes showed that he was tired, and he was probably more hungover than Castiel was.

"Dean," he said and smiled too. He was glad to meet him again so soon.

Dean threw a glance at Cas' cart and grinned. "Nice jacket."

"Yeah not so much." Castiel felt blood running towards his cheeks. If anyone he knew had to see the jacket, why did it have to be Dean? "That's what happens when someone spills on your coat."

Dean scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah, I'm still sorry about that. I'll find a good way to make it up to you," he promised. Castiel suspected it would involve drinks at the Roadhouse, but he didn't know Dean enough to be sure, not yet anyway.

"It's fine, really. I'm washing it right now, actually."

"Good. I liked that coat better than the jacket."

Wait a minute. Was Dean giving him compliments? Huh. "Uhm, yeah me too," he said, a bit late.

"Well, I better get going. Got pretty much to get, so..." Dean said and started to back away with his cart.

"So should I," Castiel said, but he would have preferred to talk to Dean more. "But I'll see you tonight?"

"Yeah. 'Course you will." With a smile, Dean disappeared among the shelves and Castiel left the store without seeing him anymore.

The rest of the day wasn't that entertaining for Castiel. He got home, packed up the groceries and continued with the laundry. His overcoat was clean now, but still not dry, and he set his mind on the task of finding something to wear besides the ugly skiing jacket tonight. Though the odds were against him. At least it wasn't snowing. Yet.

Suddenly, Castiel's doorbell rang. Outside the door was Meg Masters, a pretty brunette that was his upstairs neighbor. She often came to say hello, without no good reason, and Castiel suspected her for having a crush on him. However, even though her feelings were unrequited and he didn't like her very much, he was always polite towards her. "Hello Meg," he said.

"Hey there Castiel. How're you doing?" she said with a smooth voice.

"Fine. I was... I was writing," he lied, and hoped that she would believe him; he was not that good of a liar.

"Oh, okay. What are you writing?" Meg asked. Couldn't she just leave?

"Uhm... I was writing on a book. It's a complex plot, hard to explain..." Castiel hoped that she would get the hint. She didn't.

"I think I could keep up. Try me," she said, and it was obvious that she was trying to flirt with him.

"I actually have to get back to it, if you don't mind...?"

Finally, Meg seemed to understand. "Yeah, sure. I was just about to go now anyway." He could tell that she was a bit hurt.

Castiel smiled back at her, and closed the door. Why had she set her target on him of all people?

The darkness finally fell over the city and Castiel prepared a meal for himself. Soon, it would be time for him to walk to the Roadhouse and meet Dean. He ate and spent more time than usual in front of the mirror to make himself presentable. He chose a pair of grey jeans and a dark blue t-shirt and his black suit jacket. If he was lucky, it would be enough to keep him warm the walk to the bar. After that, he left the apartment.

Castiel had been wrong. The suit jacket was not enough and he walked to the bar with his arms wrapped tightly around himself. But finally he saw the neon sign that told him he was there and sighed relieved. As he opened the door to the bar he was met by a murmur of voices, the smell of alcohol and food, and - the best part right now - the warmth from all the people (and the radiators) inside. As he walked towards the bar counter, he saw Dean waving at him, two glasses beside him.

"Hey Cas!" Dean said as he approached. "You kept me waiting." When Castiel had taken the seat beside Dean, one of the glasses was pushed towards him.

"My apologizes," Cas said and smiled.

"Where's your jacket?" Dean chuckled.

"I left it at home. I shouldn't have though. It's freezing."

Dean smirked again and drank. "So what have you done since I last saw ya?"

"Not much. Except turning down the girl who has a crush on me I guess."

"Yeah?" Dean said. "Why'd you turn her down? Not hot enough?"

"No, no, nothing like that. I just... don't feel the same way about her that she seems to feel about me."

Dean chuckled again. "You could just bang her and turn her down after, you know that right?"

"Of course I know that, I'm twenty-six. I'm not completely ignorant about women Dean." Cas leaned against the counter, locking eyes with Dean. He had never really noticed before how green they really were.

"I didn't say that either, man. You don't look like you are."

"It's just not my... style I guess."

"Yeah?" Dean drank again.

"No, I... Oh crap." Cas looked behind Dean, at a group of three girls at a table. They were all looking at him and one of them was Meg. He looked at Dean again. "She's _here._"

"What the crush-girl?" Dean looked around.

"Yes. Her name's Meg and she's heading this way with what I assume is her two friends."

Dean finally spotted the girls and looked back at Cas. "Which one? They're all hot."

"I know, but that doesn't make them less annoying."

The girls arrived in time just to miss what Castiel said and Meg stepped forward. "Hello again."

Castiel sighed. "Hi Meg."

Meg didn't seem to notice his irritation. "These are my friends Ruby," she gestured to her right, where another brunette stood, "and Lillith." She nodded at the other girl, who was a tall blonde.

"Hey there ladies, I'm Dean, Cas' friend." Dean smiled against the women and blocked their view of Castiel. Thankful and relieved, he drew his fingers through his dark hair as Dean spoke to them. He didn't really listen to what they said to each other, but soon they left him and Dean alone again.

"Thank you Dean, that was really nice of you."

"No problem Cas."

Cas noticed that Dean's glass was empty, so he finished his own and then called for Ellen, who was bar tending tonight. "Hey Ellen? Would you mind refill for us? It's on me." Ellen nodded and took their glasses.

"Dammit Cas, I was supposed to repay you, not the other way around!" Dean said as he heard what his new friend said.

"Call us even," Cas smiled.

The night continued just like the previous one, with them talking and drinking and laughing. But later, a small group of men that neither Cas nor Dean knew did something that no one should dare do in a bar belonging to Ellen Harvelle. The only reason they could do it was probably that Ellen went down to the basement to fetch something. Anyway, there were four or five of them, all pretty tall and muscular. And then there was another guy, much smaller, that was getting punched to the ground by one of the bigger men.

"Fag!" one of the men shouted.

"You're fucking disgusting, get the hell out of here!"

One of them kicked the guy, who tried to get up, in the stomach and he fell down again.

Castiel's vision darkened. "Hey!" he shouted. "Leave him alone! He didn't do anything to you."

The men turned to him instead. "What, you want us to beat you up instead?"

Castiel were lucky, because just in that moment, Ellen returned from the basement. "What is going on here?" she demanded. There was something about her, some strange authority she had that made everybody listen to her. "You're behind this?" she asked the men who had beaten the smaller guy. "Well you stop that right now, or you're out of my bar. Understood?"

They all backed away and left the bar, slammed the door behind them. The guy who'd been hit staggered towards the bathroom, but stopped as he stood beside Castiel. "Thanks," he said and then moved on.

Dean looked at Cas. "That was nice of you. But... Why'd you do it?"

Cas hesitated for one moment, not sure if he should tell Dean. "I've... I've been there myself. And... I know what it's like when no-one does anything to help and that's nothing I wish for anybody else," he said at last.

Dean looked confused, as if he tried to fully understand what Cas just said. "So... You're gay?" He pointed his finger towards Cas for some reason, maybe to clarify that it was really Castiel he was talking about.

"As a matter of fact I am." Castiel waited for Dean to say "Me too", but he didn't. An awkward silence came over them. To break it, Castiel finally spoke. "That doesn't bother you, does it?"

Dean shook his head. "No, not at all. Just didn't think so." He drank again. "That's why you're turning Meg down then." It wasn't a question.

"Yes. But she is also very annoying sometimes. Trust me, you don't want her for a neighbor."

"So I can't move in with you then?" Dean grinned.

"What?" That was a surprise. "Are you _flirting_ with me, Dean?" He smiled.

Dean whether agreed nor disagreed, he just grinned even bigger and took another sip of his drink.

Cas smiled and did the same. For the rest of the night, he kept wondering if Dean was interested in him, but he never asked. Because he was definitely interested in Dean. There was just a special thing about his green eyes and short hair combined with the smell of the old leather jacket and whiskey. When Cas was close enough, he took a deep breath to inhale as much of the scent as possible.

Also this night they decided to make company on their way home. But when they stepped outside the door Cas stopped. White flakes were falling from the sky and the hard wind made them sting as they hit his face.

"Oh no..." he whined.

"What?" Dean asked.

"I don't have any jacket. It's going to be a cold walk."

Dean looked at him and then started to take his own jacket off. He reached it out to Cas. "Here. Take mine."

"No, Dean, I can't do that. You'll get cold instead."

"I insist. I'm the reason you don't have a coat. After this, we're even. Just... Take the jacket, okay?"

"Okay..." Cas finally said and reached out for the jacket. As he pulled his arms through the jacket he couldn't help it but smile. Now he had the scent of Dean all around him. They slowly started to walk home through the falling snow.

Dean threw glances towards Cas several times, and he guesses that Dean wanted his jacket back, but then he said: "I like that jacket on you. You look good."

Cas was surprised. Now he was pretty sure that Dean was flirting with him. "I do? I mean... thanks."

"No problem."

They stopped outside the house where Castiel lived again. Cas took of Dean's jacket and handed it over. "You need it better than I now."

Dean nodded and put on the jacket. He started to walk away, but then he turned around. "Wait!" he said and quickly walked back to Castiel. "It's no bar night tomorrow, but maybe we can meet," he mumbled as he pulled a pen from his pocket and wrote something down on Cas' hand. "Call me," he said and then he left, hands in his pocket to protect them from the cold.

Before Castiel went to bed that night he carefully wrote down Dean's number on a piece of paper that he found on his desk.

* * *

**A/N: So guys, I managed to write another chapter even though I'm not home yet! But anyway, here's more for you (since I love writing so much), and please review and tell me what you think. I will really try to give you kink, but not quite yet. The boys gotta get a little closer to each other before that happens, you know. Love you!**


	3. A visitor

Sunday morning Castiel was woken by the light from his window. It was not just sunlight, though. When he went to look out the window, he saw that the whole town was covered in snow. The sun shone brightly from the sky and was reflected by the white on the ground. He rubbed his eyes. Before he walked to the bathroom, he looked at the note where he had written Dean's number down. He considered calling him right away, but he didn't. Part because he didn't want to seem desperate or anything, and part because the chances where big that Dean was still asleep. So instead, he went to the bathroom, washing his face. The blue eyes staring back at him in the mirror was clear and awake, which was more than you could say about the rest of his face. To sum it up, he looked tired. But there was more underneath the surface. A messy past with events he never wanted to face again was hiding, always threatening to break free.

Castiel shook his head and splashed water on his face, to get rid of the thoughts. He knew he had to face them sooner or later, but right now he just couldn't. He pulled on the same shirt and pants as yesterday before he made some coffee. When he had finished it, he went downstairs to see if his laundry finally had dried. He was relieved to discover that it had, and he brought it back up to the apartment. When he came back up, he got that lightning bolt of inspiration and that tingle in his fingers that only writers get - usually for no obvious reason. He opened up his laptop and pressed the start button. It probably only took about a minute for the computer to get started, but it felt like an hour.

Once the computer was on, he opened the document containing his story and started writing. He had the writing gene from his father, who had been pretty successful in his days, with the books about two brothers hunting down evil all over the United States. Castiel on the other hand, was more of a romance writer. He mostly published short stories, and had a job planned; a mini series for a local newspaper this summer. He just hoped he would come up with a nice story.

When Castiel was writing, he lost track of time. But finally he became hungry, and when he was going to get something to eat, he threw a glance on the clock on the wall. It was already three.

_Dammit Castiel! _he thought as he started searching through his home for his phone, hunger forgotten. He had to call Dean, or else he wouldn't think he was interested in him at all. After a few minutes he found it, under his pillow, of all places. How it had gotten there he did not understand though. He walked back to his desk to get the note with Dean's number on it, but it was gone. He looked under every piece of paper, under the desk, in the drawers. But the little note was nowhere to be found. The ink on Castiel's hand was as good as gone too. He couldn't make anything out of what was left. Despaired, he sat down on his bed, face in his hands.

"Crap," he muttered to himself. "You're so fucking stupid Castiel that you can't even keep the number of a guy who you might have an actual chance with. You're an idiot."

He sat there for a while, until the doorbell rang. He guessed it was Meg, and tried to ignore it. But it rang again and again. So he got up from the bed and to the door. He already had the words "Meg, this is not a good time" on his tongue, ready to let her down before she had time to speak. But when he opened the door, it wasn't Meg standing outside.

"Cas?" Dean said. He looked worried, with a slightly wild look in his eyes. "You're okay? Good, I had to know, I..."

"Dean what are you doing here? And how did you know where I live?" Castiel asked. "Are _you_ okay?"

"Of course I'm okay. But you didn't call, and you seemed pretty wasted last night too and I thought maybe something happened and you weren't okay, so I had to check for myself. And there aren't many Castiels around you know and I knew which house it was so I just looked for your door. You never told me your last name was Novak by the way."

Castiel was shocked. Dean had worried about him just because he didn't _call?_ He had even found his way to his apartment to make sure he was alright. Though there was something with Dean's eyes - those beautiful green eyes - that weren't completely present. There was a faint smell of alcohol. "Dean, are you drunk?"

Deans worried looked changed into a small grin. "Maybe."

"It's the middle of the day. Why?"

"Because."

"Look, Dean, I'm sorry I didn't call you. I was writing and I lost track of time. And I... I lost your phone number," Castiel admitted. "I'm sorry, really, I feel awful."

"Oh." Dean looked disappointed. "So there's no emergency then?"

Castiel smiled and shook his head. "No."

"Okay well I better go then," Dean said and started to walk away.

"You don't have to," Castiel said before he had time to think.

Dean turned around. "What?"

"You can stay a while. I mean, you walked over here, so I might just invite you in. I haven't eaten yet, and I could make enough for you too. If you want." After he'd said it, Castiel became insecure. What if Dean didn't want to?

"Really?" Dean asked. "I'd love to."

Castiel nodded. "Sure. Come on in." He stepped back from the door so that the slightly drunk man could get inside.

When they both were inside, Castiel closed the door and turned to Dean. "Uhm, you can just sit down, and I'll find something to eat, okay?"

Dean nodded and sat down on a chair by the kitchen table. As Castiel fried two hamburgers and prepared bread and vegetables it was quiet. The silence was a bit uncomfortable, but neither of them broke it since they simply couldn't figure out anything to say. But when he was almost done, he heard Dean walk towards him and when he turned around to face him, he found himself just a few inches away from the other man's face.

When they stood so close, it was more obvious that Dean was the taller one, and Castiel had to really look up to look him in the eye. "Dean, what-?"

"I need you Cas." A chill traveled down Castiel's spine as Dean used his nickname. "Now."

Cas didn't know what to do. Part of him was happy, because hereally, _really_ liked Dean. But part of him was scared that this was just the liquor talking. He never really got a chance to react though, because Dean's fingers was on his chin, and then he leaned down to press his lips against Cas'. The shorter man responded to the kiss, because he had secretly been thinking about this for a long time, but he was the one to broke it, only seconds after it had started. Dean tried to pull him back into the kiss, but Castiel leaned his head down, where Dean's lips couldn't reach his.

"Cas, please..."

"No. You're drunk Dean. This isn't you, not really." He looked up and put his hands on Dean's chest, tried to push him away.

Dean grabbed his wrists and kept him close. "You don't know that. Come on, Cas. It's just a kiss."

Castiel never thought it was possible, but he didn't give in. He looked Dean deeply in the eyes. "I want to. I do. But I _can't_. Not until you sober up. I'm sorry."

Dean let go of his wrists and stepped away, turned his back. "I guess that's just how it is, huh?" He turned around again to face Castiel, now with anger in his eyes. "When there is something I want, I can't get it. Because I'm not good enough, am I?"

"Dean-"

"No, I get it. Fine. Whatever." Dean walked out of the apartment and slammed the door behind him.

Castiel ran after him, but when he looked down the stairs, Dean was already gone. "Fuck. Why are you so stupid Cas?" he asked himself. When he went back into the kitchen and saw the food, he lost all of his appetite. Dean was gone because of him. The food was standing to close to where it all had happened for Castiel to eat it without think about Dean. So he threw it all in a plastic bag under the sink. He wasn't hungry anymore anyway.

He sank down at the floor with his back against the kitchen counter. He leaned his head back so that it hit the wood. It hurt, but he didn't care. It didn't hurt as much as the thought of loosing Dean already. He had just found him, it wasn't fair that this would end so soon!

_But I get that's what it's like, _he thought. _I screw everything up. I always ruin everything._

He didn't know how long he sat there. His eyes were wet when he rose from the floor and he went to the bathroom to wash off. He refused to look in the mirror, scared of what kind of broken man he would see.

Restless, he walked through his apartment, with no goal. But when he entered his bedroom, he saw something under the bed. It was a small piece of paper. He bent down and picked it up, but when he looked at it, a knot was forming in his throat. It was Dean's number.

Castiel restarted his computer, which had switched into sleeping mode. He opened a new tab and soon he was writing the numbers into the search field. Before he pressed 'search', he hesitated, but then continued. All he was looking for was Dean's last name and full address. After all, Dean knew that about Castiel.

It didn't take long for Castiel to have Dean's address and to be completely sure where it was. And he knew Dean's last name now too. Winchester. He liked that. For a second, he even played with the thought of _Castiel Winchester_, but he buried the thought as fast as he could, not willing to cause himself any more pain.

Tomorrow he would go visit Dean, he promised himself. After working hours, but not too late, not late enough for Dean to have time to get drunk again. And he would try his best to patch things up between them, to fix what had been broken today. But he wouldn't take for granted that it would be okay. He couldn't let himself hope for that much.

The rest of the afternoon and evening were without events and that night Castiel went to bed early.

* * *

**A/N: So I've updated again! I feel bad for hurting both their feelings, but the plot wont be interesting if I don't. No kink yet, I'm sorry, but it will come, I promise. Please review and tell me what you think and there will soon be a chapter four!**


	4. We need to talk

**Warning(I guess) : This chapter contains some smut. Don't like, don't read.**

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The start of the following day was boring.

Castiel didn't really have a work to go to, except that he had to write another of his chronicles that was published daily in a paper a few towns away. That did not take enough time though, so when he was finished, there was still a few hours before he could go to Dean.

But finally, it was late enough, and Castiel walked out, dressed in denim jeans, a white shirt, and his overcoat. Of course that was after he'd spent more time than usual in front of the mirror, making sure his hair looked alright. The snow was still on the ground, and the sun didn't have long until it would disappear for the day. The air was cold and it bit his cheeks.

The road to Dean's wasn't long and Castiel soon found the house. He walked up the stairs until he found the door saying . He was about to press the doorbell, but his finger got stuck in the air. What if Dean didn't want to even talk to him? He probably wouldn't.

_But you have to try!_ Castiel reminded himself and then pushed the little button. He heard the signal inside the apartment, but there were no footsteps. He waited a few minutes, but nobody came to open. At last, Castiel realized standing there was pointless, so he started walking down the stairs. He had barely walked down one segment of the staircase when a very surprised Dean stopped in front of him.

"Cas? What are you doing here?" At first, his voice sounded almost hopeful and happy, but it soon turned irritated and sad.

"I... I came to talk to you."

"Well here I am. Talk." Dean's voice was cold, but his eyes showed so many emotions that Castiel couldn't possibly see them all.

"We need to sort things out Dean. What happened yesterday... May I come inside so we can talk more private?" Castiel hoped that Dean would understand. Or else all of this would probably be over. What ever it was.

Dean looked like he considered it for a moment, and then he shrugged. "Fine."

They walked up the stairs and Dean unlocked the door to his home. It was kind of messy, but nice in it's own ways. Dean hung his leather jacket on a hook beside the door and Castiel followed his lead with his coat. There was a couch in the first room, and Dean sat down and gestured to Castiel to do the same. "Now talk," he said.

Castiel hadn't really planned what to say. He remained quiet for a few seconds. "Dean, yesterday you... You were drunk. And you wasn't the same Dean that I talked to at the Roadhouse. I didn't know how to... I just..." Castiel buried his face in his hands. "I couldn't just... I mean, I didn't know - I still don't know - if that's what you really want. And I can't-"

"Look, Cas," Dean interrupted him. "I need to tell you something. I... I like girls. I've always liked girls. Not guys." Castiel felt a strange knot in his stomach, growing for every second. Dean continued. "I mean, I can't like guys. I have to like girls. Or else, my... My dad, oh, you don't wanna know. I guess Sammy would be alright with it, but... Yeah. But..." Castiel felt a hand on his elbow and looked up to find Dean's eyes full of honesty staring right at him. Dean broke the eye contact, but he kept his hand on Cas' arm. "But then there's you, Cas. I shouldn't... But I do, and... If you...?" Dean looked his friend in the eyes again and they both were silent. Slowly and carefully, Cas leaned forward. Dean was mirroring him, and soon they were so close that Castiel could feel Dean's breath against his face. Castiel closed the distance and let their lips touch.

There was no taste of alcohol on Dean's lips now, and Castiel kissed them, hungry. Dean wasn't resisting. In fact, his hands had found their way to Cas' hips, and were playing with the waistline of his jeans. Castiel ran one of his hands through Dean's hair, and the other one was at the man's chest. Their lips parted for a second. "Dean, are you sure?" Cas whispered, breathing heavily.

"Hell yeah, I'm sure," Dean said and moved himself on top of Castiel, pressing the other man's back against the couch. He sat astride over Cas' lap and Cas gasped when he felt Dean's erection rubbing against his own through the fabric of the jeans. Dean trailed his kisses down Cas' neck and down to his collarbone. On their way back to Castiel's face, Dean's lips followed the line of his jaw and up to his ear, sending a shiver down Castiel's spine.

"And you're not drunk?" Cas managed to ask. He had to be sure.

Dean looked at him. "No." A kiss was placed on Cas' lips.

"Then why?"

"Because I want you, that's why."

Castiel grabbed the back of Dean's neck and pulled him in for another kiss, full of desire. His other hand rested on Dean's muscular, but still soft, stomach, underneath his dirty t-shirt. Their lips parted again, so that Cas could pull it off. He looked at Dean's firm torso and then up to his eyes again. As Dean continued kissing him, Castiel ran his hands over Dean's chest. One hand found a nipple and started to play with it. Dean groaned into Cas' mouth and then left the raven-haired man's lips for a second, to pull of his shirt too. Cas returned to play with Dean's nipple again and he could tell that Dean liked it.

"Oh, _Cas!_" he moaned and then slid his hand into the back of Castiel's jeans, stroking the skin there for a little while. He pulled his hand out and moved a little bit back and Cas started to protest, but then fell silent again as Dean undid his jeans. Cas' breath was heavy when he felt Dean's fingers on the skin of his lower stomach, teasing him, before they finally pulled the pants down a bit, and his boxer briefs with them.

Cas gasped as his erection got free and then once more when Deans fingers stroke over his cock. "Dean," he panted. It had been such a long time since he last was with somebody. Dean let go of him way too soon, but focused on undoing his own pants, and he smirked at Cas - oh, he loved that smirk - when he was free from the pressure of his pants as well. Cas gripped the back of Dean's neck and pulled him in for more kisses. It was so much better now with the skin-to-skin contact and he felt Dean's hands trace up and down his body. Dean moaned and then he wrapped his hand around their cocks, stroking them as he held them together. Cas moaned too and then he felt Dean's breath against his ear, whispering:

"Let's do it together."

Castiel didn't need more encouragement than that and his hand hurried to join Dean's. While Dean was stroking their cocks, Cas started to roll one of Dean's balls between his fingers. Dean groaned and started to kiss Castiel's neck again. Cas moved his hand up to the base of Dean's penis and then grasped his own as well. Dean pressed against him and Cas jerked up his hips to get as close as he could. Dean's hand moved higher up and his thumb gently stroked over the head of Cas' cock, spreading the pre-cum it was leaking on to his own. Cas moaned again and with his other hand, he cupped Dean's ass, pressing him down. They both started to jerk off harder, craving each other more and more. Cas leaned his head back against the couch as he kept touching both Dean and himself. He didn't know how long they had been going on, but that didn't matter. He moaned louder now and so did Dean, who still was kissing Castiel's neck and collarbone. Dean's hand - the one that was not busy with their cocks - traveled over the side of Cas' body, up and down as the other one jerked faster and faster.

Now Cas felt that he was close to coming. "I'm almost there, Dean," he said and the sounds he made became louder.

Dean's face lifted from it's place on Cas' shoulder. "Me too, baby, me too," he panted and then he kissed Castiel's mouth again, and Cas responded. Suddenly, Cas' cock twitched and he came over their pressed-together chests. As he came he shouted out Dean's name, and Dean wasn't far after him. Their cum was mixed and they breathed heavily.

Neither of them said anything for a long time. They just sat there, Dean in Cas' lap, with his face nuzzled into Castiel's black hair. Castiel stared up the ceiling. Even though he was happy that he had been with Dean, that he had been brave enough to go to him, he was scared of what might happen next. What if Dean decided that this was enough, that this could never happen again? Castiel prayed that something like that wouldn't occur. Because if it did, he'd be broken.

Dean was the first one to move. He leaned back and gave Cas' lips a soft kiss. "Wanna go get washed off?"

Cas nodded and Dean climbed off him. They both pulled their pants up, they had never bothered taking them off completely before, and Dean took Cas' hand and lead him to the bathroom. They didn't went into the shower. Instead Dean took a wet towel and started to wipe Cas' chest. Cas saw a towel lying just next to him, so he started to clean Dean off. They were both silent, and it was starting to get awkward.

"Uhm..." Cas started. "So we're good?"

"Oh we're good alright." Dean smirked again and finished cleaning Cas. He gave him a short kiss. "We're awesome."

Dean reached Cas his coat. They we're standing by the door now, and Castiel was just about to leave. He didn't really want to, but he didn't want to be intrusive either. He put on his coat and opened the door. Before he started waling down the stairs, Dean stopped him. "Don't loose my number again, okay?"

Castiel chuckled. "I wont. But you are most welcome to stop by tomorrow, just so you know."

"Maybe I will." Dean smiled and shut the door. Cas walked down the stairs and out to the street. He was happy. But little did he know, that his happiness wouldn't last long.

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**A/N: So. Finally I tried writing porn. It was the first time I tried writing it, so please understand why it's probably bad. I haven't got more experience than fan fiction to go after, so... Well. But anyway, I hope you liked the chapter and I hope that it wont take that long for me to update the next time. But as you can see, it wont be all fluffy; trouble is on it's way...**


	5. What is going on?

**A/N: I am terribly sorry for the long wait, but I've been working, and I've suffered from writer's block. But here you go!:)**

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Castiel was impatient.

He didn't want to wait for Dean to come over, but he knew he had to. Dean was going to be at work all day anyway. That was a shame though, he thought. Because he really liked Dean. And it wasn't just because the man was hot as Hell and because they had a damn good time together yesterday. It was because they got along. When they talked, it was like... Like there was no brick wall between them, like they could speak freely. Of course, they had both been pretty drunk at the bar the past weekend, but even when Castiel was drunk he was usually very awkward. But for some reason, not with Dean. If things turned out the way he wanted them to do, he would get closer to Dean. They'd be true friends. Not just fuck buddies. But if Dean didn't want anything more than his body, well, Castiel was pretty sure he would take that offer too.

Because it was _Dean. _ And what he had felt the utterly short time they had spent together, that was something Castiel hadn't felt for a very, _very_ long time. And he wouldn't give it up that easily.

The day passed. Castiel didn't get that much writing done, because his mind was occupied. He should probably get another job though, because the way it was now wasn't working very well. It was past five when Castiel decided to call Dean. Just to see if he was okay, and if he was going to stop by or not. His fingers trembled just the slightest when he pushed the call-button on his phone. He put the little device to his ear and heard the tune.

_One._

_Two._

_Three._

The phone crackled in the other end. _"Hey, it's Dean. I can't pick up right now, but leave a message or call me later. Or something. See ya."_

Castiel was a bit dissapointed that Dean hadn't picked up the phone, but after all, Dean didn't know his number, so he couldn't have known that Cas was the one calling. There was a tune. "Hello Dean. It's me, Cas. Are you, uhm... stopping by tonight? We could... I don't know. Anyway, call me. I l... Call me." He out down the phone. Had he just been about to say "I love you"? No way. No. People don't just _do_ that. They simply don't. Not a few days after they've really met, not after they've had sex with each other _once. _Or did they? He pulled his fingers through his raven hair and sighed. "You really are an idiot, Cas."

The rest of the evening passed without Castiel hearing anything from Dean. No phone call, no text, and he didn't show up either.

* * *

When he woke up Wednesday morning the first thing Castiel did was checking his phone. Nothing.

He took a shower and he had his coffee. Still nothing.

Finally, he called Dean again. There was seven beeps - he counted - and then he got a reply from the other end of the line.

_"Hello?" _Dean said. There was something in his voice that Castiel couldn't quite put his finger on. But it was something broken, something sad.

"Dean. Are you okay?" Castiel nervously bit his lip.

There was hesitation. Then: _"Yeah, I'm good. But Cas, I can't-"_

Something was moving on Dean's side of the phone. Cas thought he heard a voice saying _"Is it him?"_

Then it was silence and then the phone was hung up. And Castiel was pretty damn sure that Dean wasn't the one who had done it. For a few seconds he was frozen on the spot, but then he started moving. He put on his shoes and his overcoat and without really thinking, he walked towards Dean's address. A million things were running through his head, but they were all circling around one thought: Dean was in trouble.

He knocked on the door. He rang the doorbell. There was nothing but silence from inside. He tried to open the door, but it was locked. He pulled out his phone and called Dean again, only to be met by his voice mail.

"Dean, what is going on? Where are you? Please."

As he hung up, he realized leaving a message might not have been that smart. After all, whoever it was that was with Dean right now, would probably hear the message, and something in Castiel's gut told him that was not a good thing. But where could Dean be? The only places Castiel knew for sure was Dean's home, the Roadhouse, the grocery store and Dean's work. He was obviously not at home, and the chances that he would be drinking or buying groceries seemed pretty small. And if he wouldn't be at work, then someone there might know where. But what was the name of the garage now again? Singer Auto, right. Castiel had passed the place several times, since it was on one of the roads out of town. You couldn't really miss it.

The next problem was that Castiel didn't have a car. He had a licence of course, but he sold his car when he moved into town, since he never really needed one and there were buses. Now however, he stood at the bus stop, checking his watch every minute. The bus didn't seem to want to arrive.

Finally, it did though. But did the driver had to drive so _slow? _Castiel looked out the window and tried to hide his irritation. When he saw the 'Singer Auto' sign, he pressed the stop-button, and for once this day, he was lucky since there was a bus stop only a few yards away from the garage. He walked back the road and through the open gates of the garage area. Though it looked more like a scrapyard. Most of the cars were broken and rusty, and Castiel figured they were only there for part donation. There were some nice and whole cars there too. Probably staff's or cars waiting to be fixed.

As he came closer to the open doors of the garage, Castiel heard voices.

"You can't do this!" a kind of hoarse, male voice said.

"What he is turning into, I won't let him become..." another voice, this one also male, said.

"Well not under my roof!" the first voice shouted.

"He is _my_ son and he will be staying as long as I say so!"

"John, there is something seriously wrong with you. You let him out _now, _or I will."

"Fine." The second voice was stone cold, and then there was the sharp sound of whining metal.

Castiel had the doors to his left, and he walked the few feet until he reached them. Without really looking up, he spoke. "Uhm, excuse me, I-"

That moment, he did look up, and he went silent. Among the cars and tools there were three men. One was shorter, with a beard and hair that was getting grey. He wore plaid, a vest, and an old cap. The next man was taller, with dark hair, stubble, and a worn out jacket. Both of them looked pretty furious. The third man was Dean. Dean, upset and angry, but still beautiful. And he was wearing the leather jacket that Castiel liked so much. But the most obvious thing with the man right now, was the black eye. When Dean saw him though, his face changed. Relief was mixed with fear as he looked at him.

The taller man, who had been called John, looked at him. "Now is not a good time, son. Not really. Can you wait?"

"I was actually looking for Dean..."

Deans face twisted into something that could only be a silent _No_. At the same moment, something changed in John's eyes, as he in some way recognized Castiel's voice. "You," he said. "You're the one who started all this?! This is your fault?!"

Castiel backed away from the man's sudden rage. "I don't know what you're talking ab-"

"Don't you lie to me you _fag!" _He stepped forward. "You leave my family alone!"

Castiel knew he should have fought back. With anything. With words at least. But weak as he was, he spun around and walked away from the garage, as fast as he could without running. He took the next bus home.

Who was this man? Could it really have been Dean's father? When Castiel thought about it, it made sense. Dean had mentioned his father and what he would do. But how had he found out? And what had he really done to Dean? Castiel hoped that he could get to talk to Dean soon, to sort things out. He begged for things to get sorted out easy this time as well.

Around 9pm that night, he went to Dean's apartment. At least John would let his son go home, right? Outside the building were some cars, and now Castiel recognized one of them from the garage. An old black Chevrolet. It was hard to miss. He just hoped that this was Dean's car, and not John's.

He walked up the stairs, that were quiet except for the echoes of his footsteps. He pushed Dean's doorbell and waited. At least there was someone home, because he could hear the sound of some classic rock band from inside the apartment.

When Dean opened the door the faint smell of alcohol spread into the hallway. The music became louder now when it wasn't blocked by the door. Dean himself, looked tired. There were bags under his slightly bloodshot eyes, and the black eye Cas had seen before looked even worse now. When Dean spoke, his voice were hoarse and cold. "What do you want, Cas?"

"I... just had to see if you were okay. What happened?" Castiel reached out a hand to put on Dean's cheek, but Dean took a step back and Cas' hand fell back to his side.

"It was...Family trouble. Can't really talk about it."

"Dean, he hit you!" What was it with Dean? He wasn't himself.

"It's not your business. Bye Cas." Dean made an attempt to close the door, but Castiel put his hand on it and opened it back up.

"The fuck are you talking about? I care about you, Dean! It _is_ my business."

"No." Dean's voice changed, it thickened, and he closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again he looked right into Castiel's own eyes. "I can't see you anymore. I _can't._ Good bye Castiel." Before Dean closed the door, Castiel was sure he could have seen a tear in the corner of Dean's eye.

Castiel was frozen outside Dean's apartment. There was something about Dean using his full name, and not the nickname, that made his stomach feel heavy and empty at the same time. He barely remembered walking home, it was all just a blurr. But when he closed his door behind him, he felt tears running down his cheeks.

He had just found Dean. Found something bright in his meaningless life. And now he was gone. It wasn't _fair_! What had he done to deserve this? No. He couldn't let this happen. He just couldn't. It was Dean's father who was behind all of this, Castiel was sure of it. Because what he had seen in Dean's eyes the few days they had been together, it had been real. Dean wouldn't give that up for no reason. He wouldn't. Right?

The anger flowed through Castiel's body, itched in his fingers. And at the same time the sadness was stuck in his throat. He slammed a fist into the wall, but that only left him with sore knuckles. "Dammit," he muttered through his tears.

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**A/N: I hoped you liked this chapter! Sorry if you usually are really fond of John and that he is sort of a bad guy here, but... It's an AU. So. Next chapter wont take me that long, and I will hopefully have it Beta'd before I publish it. Please review, I love it when people do that.**


	6. Early, bad weekend

Castiel decided to start the weekend one day too soon.

He had no real work to do anyway, so he spent his Thursday in front of the TV. He didn't want to go to the Roadhouse, because it would be pretty much empty, and there were chances of him running into Dean if he went there. And he couldn't bear that. Not looking into those beautiful eyes only to be denied. He just couldn't. If Dean wanted him to stay away, he would.

There were not really anything on TV, just some bad movie. But Castiel had nothing better to do than watching and drinking whisky straight from the bottle. He knew he shouldn't; he drank enough as it was. But it helped. It numbed the pain of his loss. If he drank he didn't have to think about Dean saying good bye. And that was such a relief.

The hours passed and as the movie ended and a new started, Castiel had a cup of coffee between the gulps of whisky. He felt terrible. And he guessed he looked terrible too, but he hadn't had it in him to look in a mirror today, too scared of the broken man he knew he'd see. Too scared of the shine less pits of agony he knew his eyes would be.

When he became hungry, he fried a couple of eggs, with no imagination of doing anything else. When a fourth movie had come to an end, he turned the TV off, and walked around the apartment with no goal, like a restless spirit from another time.

Suddenly, he stopped. In the corner of his bed room, he spotted something. When he recognized the ugly old jacket, he remembered the day - was it only barely a week ago? - when he'd been forced to use it. Dean's compliment in the grocery store. And when he _didn't_ use it, and Dean borrowed him the old leather jacket on their way home. Tears searched their way to his eyes. _No. _He was _not_ going to give up this easy! He could still change things, still make them right. He could still get Dean to change his mind. He had to.

He drew his fingers through his hair and changed from his worn-out t-shirt and sweatpants into a pair of jeans and a white, newer t-shirt. He pulled on a pair of socks and stepped into his shoes and took his coat down from its hook and put it on. He almost forgot to lock his apartment door on his way out, but once it was done he hurried down the stairs.

It was cold outside and more snow had fallen. He hadn't noticed that before. There were not a lot of people on the streets, only two or three, but Castiel didn't give it much thought.

When he, red cheeked and short-winded, finally arrived to Dean's apartment, he took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. Remembering he probably looked like hell, he made an attempt to straight out his hair before he pushed the doorbell.

It wasn't Dean who opened.

The man was tall, really tall, with long brown hair and sideburns. His plaid shirt was unbuttoned and underneath was a white v-neck. He looked down at Castiel, with a strange look on his face; worried, confused and tired at the same time.

"Uhm... Is Dean in?" Castiel asked and tried, useless, to peek behind the big man.

"He's asleep. He's having a rough time. Mind if I ask... who are you?"

"A friend. Castiel," he reached out his hand for the taller man to shake it.

"Sam. Dean's brother," the man said and took Castiel's hand. He let it go and then looked at him with a concerned look, before he added: "It's you, isn't it?"

"What?" Casteil replied, even though he already knew what Sam was asking him.

"You're the reason this happened, right?" Castiel barely had time to nod before Sam continued. "Look, I don't blame you or anything, okay? You might even be good for him. To tell you the truth, this might be the first real relationship he's been in for like, years."

"Yeah. I guess this is my fault." Castiel had to fight for the emotions not to break free, and it was so much harder now when he was pretty drunk. "What... What happened anyway?"

Sam was about to answer, but some guys came up the stairs, talking loudly. He looked at them, and then at Castiel. "Come on inside, and I'll tell you."

Castiel nodded and mumbled a "thanks" and stepped inside. The apartment was probably even messier now than the other day, and through a half-open door to his right he could see Dean sleeping on a bed. Sam walked ahead of him and sat down on the couch. Cas did the same, and he could not help himself thinking about what he and Dean had done on that couch. Sam probably had no idea.

"I guess our dad, you met him at Bobby's didn't you?" Sam said and Castiel nodded. "-must have heard the message you left Dean and gotten pretty upset. He's always had it easy to hear things - even if they aren't there, but I guess in this case they were - and undertones. I wasn't there when it happened, but Dean and Bobby told me. He asked Dean if there was anything between you guys, and Dean told him. I don't know how he dared though, he probably knew what would happen. Dad is... pretty homophobic, but I guess you already figured that out, huh?" Sam smiled without happiness. "After that he hit him. And then you called again. Dad wouldn't let him talk to you and then he got so pissed that he hit Dean again and locked him in a storage room. That's when Bobby called me and I arrived pretty soon after you left. Just in time to see Dean get beaten again. Once I got there, Bobby and I managed to get dad away from Dean, and I drove Dean home."

Castiel was surprised how calm Sam sounded. But he believed that it was just the surface.

He was just about to ask Sam if he was aware of the fact that Castiel had stopped by last night, but then, he heard a door opening and he turned his head. Dean, in sweatpants and t-shirt, with messy bed hair, stepped into the room. "Sam who're you-" When he saw Castiel he grew still. "Castiel," he said with a blank look on his face. "What are you doing here?"

"I just... I had to talk to you, but..." He stood, and backed towards the door. This had been a bad idea. He shouldn't have gone here.

Dean hesitated, but before Castiel reached the door, he said, "Sam, can I talk to Castiel alone?"

Sam nodded. "Sure. I'll, uhm, take a walk." He pulled on a jacket on his way out. Castiel could hear his footsteps in the staircase, but soon they faded away.

"Why are you here? I told you I can't see you anymore," Dean said, angry.

"I... What we had... For me, it was real. I wont give it up." Castiel said, finally daring to look Dean in the eye.

"Yeah well that sucks for you. 'Cause we _can't._"

"And why not? Because of your father?" He took a few steps closer. "We can go away Dean. Somewhere he can't find you."

"You don't understand! It's not about me!"

Castiel kept walking closer, one step at the time, and hoped Dean wouldn't step away. "How is this not about you? You're the one who was locked up. You're the one who got beaten. You're the one with a father stupid enough to do such things!"

"Cas, you're drunk, you don't know what you're talking about."

A shiver flowed through his whole body when Dean used his nickname again. "Oh, I know," he said.

"No! You don't. You don't understand anything!"

There was barely any distance between them anymore. "Then make me understand," Castiel said, quiet.

"It's not about _me_, it's about _you,_" Dean started.

"What about me?" Castiel was so close now. He leaned in and pressed his lips against Dean's for a second.

"Except that you're drunk?" Dean said in a poor attempt to joke. "He didn't threaten to hurt me if we continued, he said he'd hurt _you._"_  
_

Cas stiffened for a moment. Then he leaned in to give Dean another brief kiss. "I don't care."

Dean took Cas' face in his hands. "But I do. I can't let him hurt you. Baby, I can't."

Castiel leaned into the touch. "He wont."

"And how do you know that?"

"Because we're stronger than him. Because Sam and Bobby are on our side, not his."

"That's not gonna stop my dad," Dean said skeptically.

"So?" Cas kissed Dean again but was pushed back.

"Do you care that little about yourself?! Don't you care that you might get hurt, that you might even _die?!_" Dean shouted as he stepped back.

"I care about you..." Castiel murmured. What was he doing wrong?

"Well maybe that's the problem! Am I the only one who has to worry about you being safe? How do you think I would be able to sleep at night if I knew...that _he_ might find you and fucking beat you up? And that you wouldn't care shit about it? Because of _me__? _No."

"Dean-"

"No don't you go 'Dean' on me," Dean said and kicked the couch. He had no shoes though, and his face twisted in pain for a brief second and he took a deep breath.

"I just... I need you, okay? I _need_ you." Castiel stepped forward again and put a hand on Dean's shoulder.

"I know. And I need you too. But like I said, we _can't." _ Castiel could have sworn that he saw Dean's eyes tear up as he pulled away from Cas' touch. "I'm sorry, but that's just how it's gotta be. Can you please just go?"

No. Not again. "No," Castiel whispered.

"Just go!" Dean shouted. Underneath the anger was a sadness that wanted to break free. Castiel could see it.

"Fine. If that's how it's gonna be," Cas replied, and tried to hide all of his emotions.

"Yeah," Dean said just before Castiel closed the door behind him. And his voice broke at the word and a sob could be heard from the apartment as Castiel walked away.

* * *

**A/N: Maybe this was a little short, I don't know. But it's an update anyway. Things just don't seem to turn out the way the boys want, do they? But, no good story if there aren't any problems. I hope I'll update pretty soon again, I've got a week pretty much all to myself and I think I'll squeeze in some writing. I hope you enjoy my story!**


	7. I just want you in my life

So that was it.

Castiel had offered Dean himself. He had offered to give up pretty much everything - not that there was a lot to give up from the start, but anyway - only to be with him. And he had been turned down. Of course he realized now afterwards that going there drunk hadn't been the best idea. But it was too late. He was on his own now.

It was Friday evening and normally he would be at the Roadhouse by this time. Now, he was just tired. Earlier, he had gotten a call from his boss at the newspaper, who said that if he didn't send in his chronicles for this week, he would get fired. They already had another guy in line. But Cas didn't have anything to send in, so he just told the boss that "Fine. I don't care."

After a while he ended up at the Roadhouse anyway, praying that Dean wouldn't be there. He wasn't. Cas ordered in drink after drink and lost count. Jo looked at him worried, but she never said anything.

"Hey there, Castiel," said a voice beside him. He turned around. Meg.

"Hello," he sighed.

"What's up with you? You don't seem too happy." She leaned in closer towards him.

"Look, Meg, it's not really a good time..."

"I can make it good, trust me," she said and presser her lips against his.

Castiel didn't feel anything towards her. Except for annoyance. But he didn't pull away. Maybe it was because he was drunk or because he was way too torn up from the Dean situation to care, or a combination of both. Probably the last one. And even though he liked guys, he had been with a few girls before he realized that, so a woman's lips wasn't totally repelling for him.

So he kissed her back. And he hated every fiber in his body for doing it, but he did. Maybe it was to forget about Dean for a moment, or to show him that he could manage without him, or that he just didn't care anymore. He didn't want to care. It hurt too bad.

Meg was drunk too, he could taste it, and soon she spoke quietly. "Wanna get away for a moment?" She nodded against the corridor with the bathrooms, where they both knew there was a cleaning closet. How stupid and childish that was.

Castiel nodded and followed her.

A little while later Castiel adjusted his pants as Meg smiled at him. "We should do that again sometime," she murmured and drew her finger across his crotch.

Castiel didn't nod, he didn't really do anything. She had given him a pretty okay blowjob, but all the time he had been thinking about Dean and how he wished that it was the man who had his lips wrapped around his cock and not Meg. So much for stop thinking about him, huh.

They both left the closet, and no one was around in the little corridor to see them. Castiel left the bar pretty soon after that, thankful for the fact that Meg didn't follow him.

Once home and ready to go to bed, he started crying. What was he doing? Why was he so fucking messed up? He hated himself for giving in to Meg so easy. He was angry, so angry. He grabbed the closest solid thing, a bottle it turned out to be, and threw it against the wall. Crap. He would have a hard time cleaning that up. But it felt nice to break something, it relieved the anger, if only for the tiniest bit. He walked over to the bed and crept under the covers, tears running down his cheeks.

"Fuck this," he muttered.

* * *

The next day he didn't really do much either, but he browsed through the newspaper looking for any potential job. Even if his personal life was all fucked up he still had to get a job, or things would get even worse. He tried to write on his story anyway, maybe he could get that published at least, if it was good enough. But the day passed without any bigger events.

Later anyway, he washed up and changed into a pair of black jeans and a button up shirt before he leaved to the Roadhouse again.

After about an hour at the bar, Jo leaned over to him. "Castiel. What's wrong? Really."

He looked up at her. "Nothing."

"Come on!" she said, annoyed. "Last weekend you and Dean were talking to each other _all _the time. And now you're not even here together."

"So?" Castiel tried to look like he didn't care.

"So? I'm not blind, buddy, I saw the way you two looked at each other. What happened?"

"Nothing. We're not even friends." He sighed. _Anymore_, he added in his mind.

Jo rolled her eyes. "But you like him a lot more than you like that Meg chic." She threw a glance across the room, where Meg and her friends sat. "Yeah I saw you two last night. And I'm pretty sure you like Dean-o a lot more than you like her." Castiel was about to protest (even though she was right), but Jo lifted her head and looked behind him, towards the door. "Speaking of the devil. Just go talk to him, okay?" She patted his shoulder comforting and then returned to wiping glasses.

Castiel turned his head and like Jo said, there was Dean. Sam was with him too. The moment he saw those beautiful green eyes he felt a ball of guilt shape in his stomach. He wasn't cheating on Dean, 'cause they weren't even together anymore - not that they ever really were - but it felt like he had betrayed him.

Dean caught his eye and his recently calm expression shifted into sadness. He looked at his brother and said something Castiel couldn't hear, but Sam just pushed Dean gently towards the bar. Dean sighed and kept walking. He sat down as far away from Castiel as possible and Sam sat down beside him.

Castiel spent the rest of the night ordering in more drinks as he secretly watched Dean. He just couldn't take his eyes off him, even though he tried.

A few hours later, Meg went up from her seat and went to talk to Castiel. "Hey there, hot stuff," she said and placed her hand on his arm.

He pulled away. "Can you leave me alone, please?"

"What, you're not interested anymore?" The brunette leaned closer.

"No," he replied, sounding a little angrier than he meant to. "Please just go."

"Fine," Meg said with a cold voice. Then she smirked and walked over to Dean. She said something to him that Castiel didn't catch, but judging by Dean's expression of anger and pain it was nothing good.

When Meg had returned to her table, Dean rose from his chair and walked towards Castiel. Sam tried to stop him by grabbing his arm, but Dean shook him off.

"You know you hear the strangest things," he said and sat down beside Castiel.

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? That's- That's nice. You see I thought we had something."

"We did." Castiel wished he could just disappear. Anything but being confronted by Dean, _anything._

"And I thought you said you were gay, Cas."

"I am-"

"Well then how come I get to hear from _Meg_ that you two hooked up. Meg, really? Thought you said you didn't like her."

"I don't, I- I don't know what happened. She... It just did. And it was nothing big, just-" He lowered his voice a little. "Just a blowjob. I swear."

"Yeah well then I hope you two had a good time," Dean said sarcastically.

"_Dean._" Castiel put his hand over Dean's. He was relieved to find that Dean didn't pull away. "You're the one who told me we can never be. I want to, you know I do. But if you keep turning me down, then there's nothing left for me but to give up, right? I tried to fight for it, but if you don't want me to, then fine. Just... You have to let me have a life on my own if there's nothing between us anymore."

Dean took Cas' hand in his. "But that's just the problem, Cas. There is _everything_ between us. I want you to be a part of my life, you know that. But we can't. You know that."

"Yeah I heard you the first hundred times," Castiel muttered in response.

"I'm trying to sort things out, okay? But do you have to hook up with others in the meantime?"

"No."

"Good. Cas, I'm not... I'm not really good at talking about my feelings."

Cas smiled. "I know."

"But just know that... That I want you in my life okay? You have to know that."

He looked Dean in the eye. "Prove it."

And Dean did prove it alright. He put his finders under Castiel's chin, tickled the thin stubble there, and then leaned in to kiss him.

It was a soft and short kiss, but Castiel could taste all of their desire and pain and problems in it among with the faint taste of whiskey on Dean's lips.

As they separated Cas smiled towards Dean. "Thank you."

Castiel could have sworn he could see Jo smile in the corner of his eye.

"Having a good time, fags?" said a voice suddenly.

They both looked up. It was the guys from last week, the ones who had beaten up that kid.

"Oh shut up," Dean said.

"But we were just looking at you and we thought that we would just warn you not to give AIDS to everyone in this bar, weren't we Zach?" said another one.

The first guy, Zach apparently, nodded. "Indeed we were."

"Hey!" Jo walked out from behind the bar counter. "You stop that right now. No-one picks at anyone in this bar, understand?" It was strange of how much she was like her mother.

"And what are you going to about that sweetie?" the first one asked.

"I'm going to throw you the Hell out of my bar, that's what."

"Oh, look at this, Uri," Zach said. "The little girl wants to pick a fight with the big boys." They both laughed.

"Okay that's enough," Dean said and rose from his chair. Even though his black eye was still not healed it didn't stop him from throwing a punch at the man named Uri. Sam had moved from his chair at the other side of the bar and stood now beside his brother.

Zach and Uri seemed to think that it wouldn't be worth it, after all it was two against four now, so they muttered something to each other and left.

"Damn, I'm so tired of those guys," Dean said.

"Yeah well you're not the only one," Castiel agreed.

The rest of the night they sat together all three and talked and drunk, with Meg glaring at them from her table. When it was time to leave, Cas was more than happy that he and Dean parted as friends this time.

* * *

**A/N: So it seems like things are getting better for the boys, huh? Well it's not over yet. I hope you liked this chapter, and I'm always thankful for reviews.^^ I also just need you to know that the homophobic stuff is only part of the characters, not my opinions. I will update again as soon as possible!**


	8. John Winchester says hi

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews and everything, I wouldn't keep writing if it wasn't for you guys. Just a little note for this chapter before you read it to prevent any potential confusion confused; the POV will change to Dean in the middle of this chapter, and then back to Cas again**

* * *

"So then I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'll pop in after work. Bye."

"Bye." Castiel flipped his phone closed and smiled. Dean had promised Sam to spend the day with him, some sort of brotherly-bonding-day, but he had told Cas that he would be with him Monday afternoon. Maybe they finally could be happy again, and have a relationship without the trouble of a homophobic father threatening them.

Next morning, anyway, he turned on his computer and started searching for potential jobs. After all, he really needed the money. He sat there for about an hour with no result and then he gave up. He continued writing for a few hours after that, until the doorbell rang. It couldn't be Dean, it would be at least two hours before he got off work. He went to see who it was.

"Hello Castiel," Meg said when he answered the door.

"Meg," Castiel replied, his voice cold.

"You know, it's not nice to ditch a girl like you did yesterday."

"There's nothing between us." Castiel rolled his eyes.

"And for someone else too," Meg continued, without caring about what Castiel just said. "Though I admit, he looks good. But he's not the right one for you, sweetheart. Don't you agree, guys?" She looked down the stairs and then two men approached them.

A second too late, Castiel realized who they were. Zach and Uri. He tried to close his door, but Meg stepped forward, blocking it with her body.

"Not so fast," she said. "My friends here wants to show you just how wrong you are."

Zach entered the apartment, followed by Uri, and pushed Castiel backwards.

Meg walked outside again. "I gotta go now, but these guys will take care of you, I promise." A little smile played on her lips. "And by the way, John Winchester says hi." And then she was gone. Castiel didn't really have time to think about where she went, because Zach threw a punch over his cheek.

He didn't have time to react and since he was kind of small built and Zach was not, he flew backwards and fell. As quick as he could, he got up on his feet again and backed away. He knew his only chance to get out of this unharmed was to be fast. He couldn't beat these guys with strength. When Uri tried to hit him, he managed to duck, but then Zach's fist seemed to come from out of nowhere and hit him under his chin. Castiel was on the floor again and this time he didn't have any time to get up.

He curled up on the side when Uri's shoe hit him in his stomach. He cried out when it hit him again.

Zach knelt beside him. "You know why we're doing this don't you?" When Castiel didn't answer he hit his cheek. "Don't you?!"

"Yes," Castiel whimpered.

Zach hit him again. "Why?"

"Because I'm gay." He could taste blood in his mouth.

"That's right," Zach said. "'Cause you're a little fag. You _deserve_ this." He looked up towards the black man. "Doesn't he, Uriel?" Another kick against his abdomen.

Castiel coughed and blood dripped out of his mouth. "John- John told you to do it, didn't he?" He grimaced. It hurt when he spoke.

"Not really," Uriel said. His voice sounded strangely far away. "Meg showed us where you were. And that's about it. This-" he kicked again. "This is our choice."

Zach hit him in the face again. "I think he's had enough now. We don't want the cops to catch us for killing," he said to the other man.

"Just knock him out. We need to get out of here."

"If you breathe a word about this the cops we'll kill you," Zach said to Castiel.

And then everything went black.

* * *

Dean hummed for himself as he changed the tires on a white Mercedes over at the garage. His father hadn't been there for work for days. He figured it might have something to do with Bobby telling him to not set a foot on his property again until he accepted that Dean was a grown man who could make his own decisions. Dean liked Bobby, and he always had. The man was an old friend of his father, who had worked together with him for as long as Dean could remember. Dean had spent many hours at the garage as a kid and Bobby was sometimes more of a father to Dean than John ever was. Sam had worked at the garage too, to get some extra money during the summers, but he was in college now and actually studying to be a lawyer.

Around two o'clock, he decided to call Cas, just to talk to him. He only got to his voice mail. "_This is Castiel Novak, leave a message._"

"Uhm, hey Cas. It's Dean. Do you need me to buy anything before I come over later, or...? Uh, well, I guess I'll see you later." Disappointed, he put the phone back into his pocket and returned to work.

A few hours later, Dean parked his car, his precious Chevrolet Impala from 1967, outside Cas' building. He walked up the stairs and nervously chewed on his lips after he pressed the doorbell. This would be the first time since they'd come back together that they would be all alone with each other. A few minutes passed without Castiel answering the door, so Dean rang the bell again. Still nothing.

He tried to call him, but was only answered by the voice mail again. He tried the door handle; maybe he was in the shower or something. The door opened without protest, but when Dean saw inside he froze with chock.

The apartment was the same mixture of mess and order as when he was there last week, but on the floor lay Castiel, in fetal position with blood on his bruised face and on the floor beside his head. Once the chock let go of Dean, he hurried the few steps towards the man and knelt down beside him and took his face between his hands.

"Cas?" he shook him gently. "_Cas!"_ His thumb stroke over Castiel's cheek. "Come on, Cas, don't be dead," he murmured as he held his hand an inch over the other man's mouth. He sighed in relief when he felt his breath against his skin. _Thank God._ At least he was alive.

Dean pulled out his phone and dialed 911. He told the woman on the line where he was and that he had found his friend beaten bloody. She promised him an ambulance would be there as soon as possible. The whole time he talked to her, Dean stroke Castiel's hair.

He leaned down and pressed his lips against Cas' forehead. "Just wake up. Please Cas. You have to. For me." He didn't realize that he was crying until he saw the tears dripping down into Cas' dark hair.

Then there were steps in the staircase and some people entered the apartment through the door that Dean had never closed. They lifted Cas up on a stretcher and tried to get him to wake up. A man asked Dean what had really happened. As Dean wiped away the tears from his face he told him what he knew: that he and Cas had decided that he would come over, but when he arrived he found Cas like that. The man didn't ask him if he knew who might have done it, but Dean suspected that the police would ask him that later. Or they would ask Cas if he woke up. _When_ he woke up, Dean corrected himself. When. Because Cas would wake up, he had to.

As the ambulance staff carried Castiel down the stairs Dean followed, but he was stopped by Meg who came out of her apartment. "What happened?" she asked.

"Someone beat the crap out of him," Dean said. "Look, I really gotta go with him, I'll fill you in later."

"Sure. I'm sorry, by the way."

Dean ran down the stairs to catch up with the others.

* * *

When Castiel opened his eyes it was all bright white. His head hurt and he felt dizzy. When he remembered what had happened he gasped. He shouldn't have done that though, because his chest ached when his lungs expanded.

"Cas?"

He turned his head carefully to the left and found Dean sitting on a chair, holding his hand. "Dean," he said quietly, but happy.

Dean reached out with his hand and stroke his cheek gently. "How're you feeling?" There was a smile on his lips, but his face was red from tears.

"I'll live. Where am I, anyway? The hospital?"

"Yeah. You were beaten up pretty bad when I found you. I'm so sorry."

Castiel took the hand that Dean had placed over Castiel's. "It's not your fault."

"My dad said that he would go after you next-"

"It wasn't your dad," Castiel interrupted. "It was those guys from the Roadhouse. Zach and Uri."

"What?" Dean looked at him with confusion written all over his face.

"Though they had help. John had a part in it, but it was Meg who showed them where I live."

"Meg?" Dean said. "That _bitch!_ She was there when the doctors took you here and she fucking said she was _sorry_. If I had known, I'd..."

"Dean, it's okay." Cas was about to lift his hand to touch Dean's face, but pain stung in his arm and he let it fall back down as his face twisted from the pain.

Dean's eyes filled with worry and his hands were fumbling around, tried to comfort him, but didn't dare to touch him, scared that he would hurt him. "Cas, you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, it's just... I'm fine."

"You sure?"

Castiel nodded, careful not to move his head too much though.

"Okay." Dean smiled again and one little tear ran down his cheek.

"Don't cry," Cas whispered.

"I'm just glad you're okay."

They were quiet for a while and just looked at each other. Castiel figured that a lot of people would probably have blamed Dean for what happened, but he couldn't. No, he wanted them to be together, and if this was the price he had to pay, then fine.

A couple of minutes later, he spoke. "Were... Were you the one who found me?"

"Yeah. I... I waited outside your door but you didn't answer, so I went inside. And there you were..."

They faded into silence once again, but soon a nurse entered the small room. "Oh, you're awake," she said. "Castiel, right?"

He nodded.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. I mean, it hurts a little, but I'm fine," Castiel replied.

"Good. Seems like the painkillers are doing their job then, huh?" she smiled. "But you need to rest, so I'll just give you something to help you sleep. The police are going to want to talk to you later, though." She pulled out a syringe and emptied the content into the drip bag that was attached to Castiel's arm. "You're lucky you have him to watch out for you," she said before leaving them alone.

"I promise we'll stop this, Cas," Dean said. "I'm not gonna let you, or me, get beaten again, I swear."

Castiel smiled and the last thing he felt before the drugs overwhelmed him and he fell asleep was Dean's lips against his own.

* * *

**A/N: So... I hope you liked this chapter. :) I will get the boys away from the beatings soon though, they've had enough pain by now. But school starts tomorrow again, so I doubt I will have that much time to write from now on. But I'll do my best!**


	9. Out of the hospital

**I am so SO sorry for keeping you waiting! But I've had writer's block and I've had school.**

* * *

Castiel had been in the hospital for almost a week now. Four of his ribs were cracked and one was broken and he was covered in bruises and small wounds. One eye was lined with blue and purple, with yellow around the edges. He was very grateful that none of his teeth had fallen out. He'd got a concussion too, and he ached everywhere now that the doctors had decided not to give him as much painkillers as before.

The police had asked him what had happened, but both Meg had an alibi and he didn't know either of Zach's nor Uriel's last names. Dean had gotten furious over that, slammed his fist into the hospital wall as he kept muttering about how unfair and stupid the world was. Cas, on the other hand, didn't really care that much. As long as the guys didn't try it again or, even better, ever showed their faces again he could let them go away with it. He'd learned from his past that revenge never solved anything, and he would probably not even be able to get any revenge on these guys anyway.

He had the room to himself, but he was never really alone. The walls were thin and he could always hear people talk, except for maybe at night. Doctors and nurses kept coming in to his room and check on him, or give him medications. He didn't need the drip bag anymore though. And every afternoon after he was done with work, Dean would come to sit beside Castiel's bed to keep him company. Sometimes they talked, and sometimes they just sat there, quiet. On Saturday, Dean had come over with pizza for lunch. "Can't let you live on this crap hospital food," he'd said.

Now it was Sunday. Through the window in Castiel's room he could see that it was a bright and sunny day, and the thin layer of snow was still on the ground. The white door slid open and a young woman with dark skin and black hair entered the room. "Hello, Castiel. How are you feeling today?" she asked.

"My head hurts, but otherwise I'm okay," he answered. He liked this nurse. Her name was Linda and she was usually the one to take care of him.

"Good," she said and smiled. "We'll be taking you to x-ray soon, and if your ribs look fine you might be able to go home today. Although you will have to come back for more x-ray."

Castiel carefully swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stood. He grunted a little as his ribs protested, but it was nothing he couldn't take.

After the x-ray he borrowed a hospital phone and called Dean.

"Hey Cas." Castiel could hear him smile through the phone.

"Hello Dean."

"You're longing for me? Can't stand another minute without my company?" he teased.

"Actually I was wondering if you could come and pick me up. I get to sign out."

"Really? That's great! I can be there in twenty minutes or so. Anything I need to bring you?"

"Uhm, yeah. I don't really have any clothes except for this stupid hospital shirt. Would you mind swinging by my place and grab some pants and a shirt?" Castiel had given Dean a key this week since someone had to go and lock the stupid door.

"Yeah sure. See ya soon, Cas."

"Bye, Dean." There was a little smile on Cas' lips as he hung up.

Twenty minutes later, Dean slid in through the door. There was a bag in his hand and he was smiling. "Hey," he said before he walked straight over to Cas and gave him a light kiss.

"Hey," Cas smiled.

Dean sat down on the bed beside Castiel and put the bag in his lap. He opened it and started pulling out clothes.

"These aren't mine," Castiel said and his brow furrowed as he held up a grey t-shirt with a fading AC/DC print.

"Nah. I figured I would get here faster if I didn't have to stop at your building. So I thought you could borrow a pair of mine. You don't mind, right?"

"No, no. Thank you." Castiel pulled on the denim jeans and his own shoes. Then he pulled the big hospital shirt over his head and reached for Dean's t-shirt, but he stopped, 'cause he noticed how Dean was looking at him. "What?" he said.

"Nothing, just..." Dean lifted his hand and fingered the bandage that was wrapped around Castiel's chest. "Does it hurt?"

Cas threw a glance down his own torso, where the bruises were discoloring his skin, and then he looked at Dean again. "Not so bad," he said and smiled a little.

Dean nodded and smiled too, and then he gave Cas the t-shirt and a green shirt jacket so that he could put them on. He then helped Castiel gathering the few things that belonged to him in the little room before they leaved it. Castiel informed a nurse behind the desk by the entrance that he was leaving and she gave him a date for when they wanted him to come back to check his ribs.

"I guess it's time I introduce you to my baby," Dean said as he unlocked the old black car. Castiel knew it was his, but he had never really got a closer look at it.

"I like it," he said as he walked over to the passenger side and opened the door.

"Yeah I bet you do," Dean said once they were both in the car. "She's perfect." He turned the key and the engine started, a loud purr that only this kind of cars could make. A smile grew on Dean's lips as he started to drive the car out of the hospital parking lot.

When they arrived to Castiel's building, Dean didn't stop the car.

"You know you just drove past my house, right?" Castiel said.

"Yep."

"And?"

"I thought I'd take you out," Dean explained. "You've been locked in that room for a week now, you gotta get out a little." He smirked at him as he drove the car towards the center parts of the little town.

Castiel smiled. "Where? I'm not really that flexible at the moment, you know."

"Relax man." Dean put his hand on Cas' thigh. "Just some Sunday lunch, not a big deal."

Once they'd found a place to park the car, they slowly walked down the street. The town had a few restaurants to offer, and most of them were close to each other, so there was pretty much only one course to set on.

"Which place are you planning?" Castiel asked. They were basically alone on this street, but soon there would be more people.

"The, uh what's it's name, you know that Italian one."

"Anabella's," Cas corrected. It was a nice place, good food.

"Right," Dean said, as if he thought he should have known that.

"My grandmother was actually from Italy," Castiel said.

"Really? You never told me that."

"Yeah well I don't really know much about her. My dad never talked much about my mom or her family. I guess he didn't want to open up old wounds."

"Too bad. I bet she'd been able to teach you a lot of good recipes if you'd ever got to know her."

"That wouldn't mean I would cook for you every day even if I could," Castiel said and smiled.

"It totally would," Dean teased.

Castiel elbowed him softly, but when Dean was about to give it back, he held his hands up in defense. "I'm wounded, remember?" He smirked at Dean.

"That's not fair," Dean muttered. "Once you're better, I'll remember that."

"Yeah, I bet you will."

"Of course," Dean said, and without giving Castiel time to react he took his hand in his. Castiel turned to smile at the taller man and found him smiling back.

Once they had gotten into the restaurant and ordered their food they went quiet. The restaurant was pretty crowded and they'd gotten a few looks as they went inside, still holding hands like a pair of teenagers, but no-one had really been bothering them.

The pretty waitress with platinum blonde hair arrived with their food and smiled at them. "Bon appetite," she said with a smile and left them. Castiel thought it was a little weird. She did clearly not have any Italian looks, but she still made an effort to make it look like she really belonged at this restaurant. He didn't really pay any attention to it though, it was just a thought crossing his mind.

Dean smiled as he started eating. He only swallowed one bite before he started praising the meal. "Man this is awesome," he said. "How's yours?"

"Mine's good too," said Castiel and put more food on his fork.

"But seriously," Dean said after a few more bites. "You should try this." He put a bit of meat on his fork and then he lifted it over the table, hesitated the last few inches to be sure that Cas was okay with it, and then gently moved the fork into Cas' mouth.

When he took the food from Dean's fork and smiled at Dean who moved his arm back over to his side of the table, Castiel thought that it must look like a scene from some romantic movie: A couple sitting in a booth of a sweet little restaurant, with the window facing the street in the background. A couple gently sharing their food, smiling and slightly blushing. Castiel didn't see it, but one man in the restaurant was making a disgusted face, an old woman smiled towards them and a little boy pointing and asking his mother if the two men were together. But it didn't matter. None of it did.

"You're right," he told Dean. "This is great."

When they had finished their food a little while later the blonde waitress showed up again to take their dishes. "You want anything else?" she asked.

Dean smiled. "You've got any pie?"

"Sure. Only one kind though, I'm afraid," the waitress said. "Most people love it though. It's baked of figs that are rated to be one of the best in Italy."

"Then we'll have a piece of that. Two forks, please?"

"You sure?" Castiel said when the blonde woman had left. "I know how you're like when it comes to pie."

"'Course I am," Dean said and grinned. "And if I'd ordered two pieces I would just try to eat yours anyway."

The pie turned out to be delicious and so was the pear ice cream that was served with it. Dean looked like he was in heaven and he had a goofy smile all over his face. Dean ate most of it.

Dean insisted on paying the check, even though Castiel told him several times that he wanted to pay for himself.

They were walking slowly back to the car when Dean's phone rang. He pulled it out from his pocket and flipped it open without looking at the number. "Hello."

Castiel could barely hear the other voice saying his "Hello" but Dean froze on the spot as he heard who it was.

"Dad," he said cold. "What do you want?"

Now when they weren't walking, it was easier to hear the reply. "I just want to say I'm sorry. But I hope you've learned your lesson."

"Lesson?!" Dean shouted into the phone. A woman walking down the street jumped in shock and turned her head towards him before quickly walking away.

"Son, just calm down-"

"There is no fucking lesson to learn here! I'm a grown man and I can be with whoever the fuck I want to!"

Castiel put his hand on Dean's arm to calm him. Dean looked at him with eyes saying "sorry".

"You listen to me Dean. I am your father and you will do as I say-" John continued through the phone.

"No." Dean's voice was quiet and cold as ice. "You're not my father. Not anymore. I don't want to see you ever again." He shut the phone dead and put it back in his pocket. He took a deep breath. "Come on, Cas. Let's go back to the car."

Dean was hurting, you didn't have to be very clever to see that. As they walked in silence Castiel wrapped his arm around Dean's wrist to give him some comfort. Dean lay his arm around Cas' shoulders and held on to him tight. They soon got to the car and went inside. After starting the car, Dean pressed the stereo button and Metallica started flowing from the speakers. Even though Castiel knew that Dean wasn't angry with him, the drive was still a bit uncomfortable.

Dean stopped the car outside his building. "Please come with me upstairs," he said, almost begged, and there was no way Castiel could have denied him, because Dean needed someone to be with him right now. He shouldn't be left alone. Castiel nodded with a little smile and got out of the car.

Once they got inside the apartment Dean asked Castiel, "Should we watch a movie or anything?"

"Sure."

Dean browsed through his small DVD collection and then inserted a disc and pressed play. He and Cas sat down in the couch, a bit apart at first, but then Dean mumbled, "C'me here" so Castiel snuggled up against his chest. He felt Dean's arms tight around him and Dean buried his face in Castiel's dark hair. He made a half-hearted attempt to watch the movie, but mostly he just thought about how Dean was doing. He didn't dare ask though, because he figured Dean was best left to his own thoughts.

Castiel didn't really know when it happened, but he fell asleep there in the arms of Dean Winchester.

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**A/N: So. Maybe things will get sorted out at lest huh? But there will be at least one or two more chapters. And smut. It'll probably take a while for the next chapter too though, since I'm in the last year of school (at least part one of school I guess you could call it here in Sweden), and it is this year that my grades actually matter, so yeah. But I really want to write on this one, so I'll publish again as soon as I can. I hope you liked the chapter^^**


	10. The most important

The door flew open and Castiel was suddenly wide awake.

Dean's arm tightened around him and he grimaced as his bruises and ribs ached. He looked towards the door and froze. Full of fury and with a crazy look in his eyes was John Winchester.

"Dean," he said with a deep voice. "What are you two doing?"

Dean moved a bit to be able to look at John properly, but he did not let go of Cas. "I'm watching a movie with my boyfriend, what does it look like I'm doing? And you have no right to just walk into my home." His voice was calm on the surface, but Castiel could see that the anger was buried very shallow.

John stepped forward and slammed the door behind him. "You are my _son_ and you will _not_ mix up with him! Never! I want him to leave. For good. And you will do as I say. Now!"

Dean let the man shout before he answered. "You're not my father. Not anymore. This is my life and my decisions." He gave Castiel a quick kiss on the forehead before he let go of him and stood. He slowly walked towards John. Cas stood too; he felt like he had to be close in case Dean would need any kind of protection. "Get out," Dean said.

"No, Dean now you-"

John was interrupted by Dean's fist hitting his cheek. "Get out!" the younger Winchester shouted.

John looked like he really, really wanted to punch back, but instead he walked away. "If this is the way you want it. Good bye Dean," he said before he went through the door. He slammed it shut on his way out.

"Wow," Dean said quietly, almost just a whisper. "I didn't expect it to be that easy."

Castiel touched his hand. "I'm sorry Dean."

Dean turned to look at him. "It's not your fault." He pulled him in close and hugged him. "Trust me."

Cas looked up from Dean's chest and smiled. He reached up and placed a kiss on the man's lips. Dean smiled back and returned the kiss. It soon got deeper, but when Dean started to place his hands on Castiel's hips, his thumbs slightly brushing the skin under the borrowed t-shirt, they were interrupted by Dean's phone buzzing in his pocket.

Dean laughed a little and blushed as he pulled out his phone and answered. "Sam," he said.

Castiel could hear the brother's voice from the phone. "Hey, uhm is everything okay with you?"

"Yeah, sure. Why?" As Dean spoke, he gently kept his left hand on Cas' hip and moved it up to his waist. His hand was warm against Castiel's skin and it felt safe.

"Dad called. He said that I could not under any circumstances talk to you. Any idea why?" Sam said.

Dean stiffened. "Probably because I said that he's not my father anymore."

Sam's end of the phone went quiet for a few seconds. "You did _what_?! Why?"

"Hey, Sam, take it easy. You know how he tried to keep me and Cas apart. I can't have that and I saw no other way out."

Sam's voice was still upset. "Yeah, I get that, but... What does that make us, huh? Are we even _brothers_?"

"Yeah Sam, of course we are." Dean's hand moved to stroke Cas' back. "I just can't have him as a father. But I still love you. Bitch." He smirked.

"Jerk." Castiel was confused at those words, but he realized it probably was a brother-thing. "So, I don't need to worry?" Sam asked.

"No. I'll see ya around."

"Bye."

"Bye." Dean flipped his phone shut and put it back in his pocket. He looked Castiel in the eye. "Now where were we?"

Castiel smirked. "Something like here." He gave Dean a brief kiss. "Or here." He slid his hand under Dean's t-shirt and felt the muscles there as he kissed him again. Dean smiled and kissed him back. Dean's hand on Castiel's back searched its way down and played at the waistband of the jeans. Cas ran his fingers through Dean's hair. Dean steered them towards his bedroom and before they knew it they were laying on the bed. Castiel winced once as his ribs ached and then Dean rolled around so that Castiel was on top.

As Dean kissed him and moved his hands over his body, Castiel felt his pants get tighter and tighter over his groin and as he moved himself over Dean, he felt the other man's hard on too. The shirt jacket Dean had borrowed him went off quickly, and the t-shirt wasn't far behind. Dean moved so that he again was the one to top, but he was careful not to put pressure on Castel's bruises and only sat across his hips. Slowly, he leaned down, to carefully and gently kiss every bruise on the man's torso. It felt good to have someone that really cared for him, Castiel thought. As Dean kissed his body, Cas stroke his brown hair, wanted to show that he cared too. Dean leaned forward and kissed his lips before he pulled of his own shirt.

Castiel closed his eyes as Dean backed and then started to undo Castiel's jeans. He pulled them off, together with the shoes and the socks and stroke Castiel's cock through the thin fabric of the boxer briefs. A moan escaped Cas' lips. He felt Dean pull off his underwear too and then Dean's hand stroke his member again. Then the hand was gone and a kiss was placed on his lips again before Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel's waist and rolled them over again.

The fabric of Dean's jeans was a little rough against Castiel's bare skin, so he undid them and pulled them off quickly. He teased Dean outside the boxer briefs a little while before he pulled them off as he kissed the man's chest. They rubbed against each other as they kissed. Now and then Castiel traced his kisses down to Dean's neck and collarbone, but they always found their way back to his lips.

"Cas," Dean said. They's moaned each other's names a few times, but this time Castiel could hear he wanted to say something. "Cas, you gotta... Do you want to...?"

Castiel smirked and kissed him again. "What?" he teased.

"Fuck me," he panted. "Please."

Castiel smiled and it tingled in his stomach. He usually topped, but was okay with being bottom, but he hadn't thought Dean to be wanting to receive and not to give. He let his finger stroke over Dean's cock once. "You've got any stuff?"

"Yeah, there's... in the drawer."

Cas kissed him once before he leaned over to the little table at the side of the bed. He opened the drawer and found a little tube. He took it and then leaned in close to Dean's ear. "You sure?" he whispered. "You really want to be fucked like a little bitch?"

Dean didn't even care to tease him back. "Yeah."

Castiel didn't need to be asked twice. He spread the lube over his fingers and leaned over Dean. The taller man spread his legs as Castiel's finger entered him. They kept kissing and soon Cas could fit with a second finger. As he kept opening Dean up, Dean moaned his name.

When he decided he was ready and pulled his fingers out, Dean's eyes opened and stared at him. "It's okay," Castiel said and kissed him. Then he moved forward and felt Dean stiffen as he moved inside him. They both gasped and then Castiel started to move. Dean hissed and squeezed his eyes shut. "Relax," Castiel told him. "It's easier if you relax." Dean did as he was told and Cas picked up the pace. Soon Dean wrapped his legs around him and breathed heavily. Castiel adjusted the angle a little, tried to get exactly right. He moved Dean's hand so that the man could touch himself.

Then suddenly Dean's eyes flew open and he looked straight at him. "Cas," he breathed and Castiel realized that he'd found the man's sweet spot. He thrust harder into Dean, who bucked his hips up for more. Dean moaned as his prostate was hit once again and again and again. Castiel felt the other man's hand between them as he touched himself. He glanced down at Dean's leaking cock and then moved both harder and faster.

"Oh my God, Cas..." Dean panted a little while later. "I'm gonna- I think I'm gonna-" Cas thrust one time, with even more force than before and Dean cried out as he came. Castiel felt the semen over his chest. He wasn't far behind himself. Dean was relaxed under him, with his eyes open and blissful as he stared up at Cas - as if he was the most beautiful thing in the world. The orgasm was building up inside Castiel and a few more pushes and he felt himself coming inside Dean. Dean felt it too and whimpered softly as his hole milked Castiel through his orgasm.

The world felt white hot and Castiel moaned as he rode through and then pulled out. He sank down beside on Dean on the bed. His ribs ached a little, but that was nothing compared to the pleasure he felt. He closed his eyes and could only hear their breaths and his own rapidly beating heart.

He didn't know how much time had passed - it could have been one second, or it could have been hours - when Dean spoke. "Cas?" he said with a hoarse voice.

"Yeah?"

"That was awesome."

Castiel laughed and took his hand. "I know."

Dean started pulling in the sheets. It looked funny when he was trying to get underneath the quilt without having to get off the bed, but he managed eventually. "Hey, get in here. It's much nicer," he said and ruffled Castiel's hair. The dark haired man smiled and did as he was told. He then curled up close to Dean with his face in his brown, short hair. Dean's come felt a little sticky on his chest, but he didn't mind.

"I'm sorry," Castiel said as he fingered the soft hair on the back of Dean's neck.

"For what?"

"It's my fault that you don't have a father anymore."

"No, Cas, no." Dean moved so that he could look him in the eye. "It was bound to happen eventually. He was never much of a father for me anyway. You're more important. You'll always be." He placed a soft kiss on Castiel's lips.

Castiel was honored. He'd never been very important to anyone. He got along with his siblings and his dad had always been nice to him, but he didn't have much contact with any of them anymore. Being close to Dean was something that he'd only could have dreamed of, and now he'd gotten more than he ever asked for. He must have looked weird, because Dean stroke with his thumb over his lips and murmured "What?"

"I just..." He decided that he might as well say what he was thinking. "You're the most important person in my life," he whispered.

They smiled at each other, exhausted and tired smiles, and close after that they must have fallen asleep.

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**A/N: I'm sorry that I took my time with this chapter too, but I've got a lot going on in school for the moment and I'm not very good at writing smut, as you can see. But I try. This story is coming to its end, and I think that the next chapter might be the last... But we'll see. And we all have the season 8 premiere to look forward to too :) Please review and I hope you liked this chapter!**


	11. I need a shower, and so do you

**A/N: Yes, I know it's been a really long time (again!) but here it finally is, the last chapter. I hope you'll like it. :)**

* * *

"Don't go," he murmured.

"I'm not," Castiel said but sat up and rolled his shoulders. "Just stretching."

"Get back down here," Dean grunted as he reached up a hand to Castiel's shoulder and pulled him down towards himself. Cas had no choice but to go back to laying beside Dean again. Not that he really minded.

"Don't you have work today?" Castiel asked after a few minutes. Not that he wanted Dean to leave, but he didn't want him to miss work either.

Dean stiffened beside him. "Fuck." He started to get out of bed but as he swung his legs over the edge he froze. "Oh _fuck_."

"What?" Cas asked, putting his hands under his head and a little distracted by Dean's naked back. The muscles under shifted as Dean moved his torso a bit to look at Cas over his shoulder. The accusing look on his face made him realize what was wrong. "Sorry," he said.

"I'll call Bobby. Say I've got a cold or something," Dean muttered and reached for his cell, that was in the pocket of his jeans, that lay on the floor since yesterday. The call didn't take long. Bobby didn't sound too happy about it though, but judging by the look of Dean's face, there wasn't going to be any problem. Careful, Dean moved so that he was lying next to Cas again, using Cas' arm as an extra pillow

"You okay?" Cas asked him. He had bottomed a few times and knew how it felt.

"Yeah, I just... didn't know it'd hurt after, you know. Not like this."

Cas chuckled. "I guess I should have warned you. But wait, was... Was I your first?"

A blush spread over Dean's cheeks as he avoided Castiel's gaze. "This way, yeah."

A warmth filled Castiel's chest and he smiled gently towards Dean as he stroke his cheek, which started out a little uncomfortable at first, since he had to remove his hand from underneath his own head before being able to touch Dean. The other man muttered something and got even redder in the face.

"Oh come on Dean," Cas said with a little grin. "That was not as cheesy as I've could have made it."

Dean just grunted.

Cas laughed softly and then moved himself so that he was lying on his side instead of on his back. He let his fingers wander over Dean's cheekbone a little while longer, but he still didn't want to look at him, probably still embarrassed.

"Hey," Castiel murmured and then carefully pulled Dean's face towards his own and planted a brief kiss upon his lips.

Dean smiled, defeated. "What are you even doing to me, Cas?"

Castiel responded with another kiss, deeper this time.

A while later, when the clock radio on Dean's bedside table showed 11 AM, Dean was the one to move. He sat up in the bed and then he, very slowly, he climbed out of the bed. Though he he still grimaced a bit as he stood. He looked at Cas, almost impatiently. "Well, are you coming?"

"What?" Castiel asked, confused.

"I need a shower. And so do you. So are you coming?" Dean smirked and held out his hand.

"Of course." Castiel climbed out of the bed as well and took Dean's hand.

They walked towards the bathroom, not too fast, for Dean's sake. They were both still naked, and Cas figured that would be at least a little bit uncomfortable, just walking through the apartment with no clothes, but it wasn't. Once in the bathroom Dean turned the water tap in the sink, waiting for the water to turn hot. It didn't take long. He kissed Castiel slowly, and it was just innocent kisses, considering them both being without their clothes, before closing the water tap and leading Cas into the shower. It was a pretty big shower, thankfully, and could easily fit two people without it getting too narrow. The shower Castiel was used to didn't offer that kind of luxury.

Dean turned his torso to turn the water on and instantly, they were soaked with cold water. Dean jumped. "Dammit! I always forget it!"

Castiel just laughed. He actually preferred it when the water started cold and then, like now, turned hot a few seconds later. "It's not that bad," he murmured and traced his hand over Dean's chest, where the semen from last night started to wash away. He felt his own dick starting to swell between his legs.

"Yeah it is," Dean said, though as close as they were standing, Castiel could feel Dean's member harden too. "It's a fucking shock every time, that's what." His hands had moved to Castiel's hips. "Just like you," he said then. "Every time I'm... When I see you I..."

Castiel knew how hard it was for Dean to find the right words. "I know," he murmured and tilted his head slightly upwards to kiss him again. Dean grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him closer, and swirled their tongues together. sucking Cas' a little. Castiel's own hands were on Dean's lower back, pressing him towards himself, and he felt both himself and Dean grow harder. Dean groaned into his mouth. Cas slid his hands around to Dean's stomach and pulled back for a few seconds. Dean's skin was flushed from the heat of the water and his hair lay slicked to his head. His lips were swollen and his pupils big. The sight of him was incredible.

Castiel stroke Dean's erection once, before he went down to his knees, careful not to slip on the wet shower floor. He tilted his head up towards Dean, who looked at him in awe and reached out his hand to place it on Castiel's cheek. Then Cas started to suck on the head of Dean's cock, and Dean threw his head backwards. Cas let go so that Dean could take a step back and lean on the shower wall before he followed and wrapped his lips around Dean's throbbing member again.

"Oh, God, Cas," Dean moaned and moved his hand to the back of Castiel's head, fingers twisting in that dark hair, as Castiel went deeper. Then he slowly pulled back, his tongue dragging along the shaft, before finally taking it all. It had taken him a while to learn that, but it had been many years since he sucked off a guy for the first time now, so his gag reflex didn't bother him. His right hand started caressing Dean's balls and Dean moaned his name again, hips moving forward in what seemed like an involuntarily motion as he pressed Cas' head towards himself, tugging on his hair.

It didn't take that very long until Dean came down Cas' throat. It wasn't the most pleasant taste in the world exactly, but Cas could take it. And besides, this was _Dean. _Dean who'd gone through so much for him. The least he could do was swallowing. He sucked on Dean until the other man's grip of his hair let go. Then he pulled away and got to his feet. He was painfully hard now, and Dean was leaning against the wall, eyes closed in pleasure. Castiel started to stroke himself and by the time he was almost at the edge, Dean opened his eyes. "Fuck Cas, that... Wow," he said, smiling. Then he seemed to notice that Cas was jerking himself of, and he leaned forward to kiss him.

And that was it. Castiel came over himself and Dean, and Dean held him upright as his legs failed him. They smiled towards each other.

After that, and after some kisses and soft words, they started to wash each other off. It was intimate and the silence between them was comfortable. Cas thought about everything that had happened to him since he met Dean. How Dean's father would no longer be a problem, since he in Dean's eyes wasn't his father anymore. And how Meg and her homophobic "friends" would just have to live with the fact that Dean and Castiel loved each other, and wasn't going to stay away or hide that. Yeah, maybe they'd run into trouble, but in that moment, Castiel couldn't find himself to care. And both Sam and Bobby approved of their relationship. It felt good to know that Dean hadn't given up all of his life for him. He was pretty sure that would have been a little too much. He decided that he would try his hardest to find a new job, so that he wouldn't end up relying on Dean.

But as Dean kissed him and traced a hand down his body, he decided that it could wait for at least a few more hours. "You know, Cas, there's something about you," Dean said and kissed him. "Something special. Maybe that's why I like you so much. Not just because of your fine ass, even if that _is_ appealing."

Castiel chuckled. "You know, Dean?" he said in the same tone Dean had been using just a few seconds earlier. He smiled at him. "I love you too."

Dean froze for a fragment of a second, before his face burst into a huge smile. He kissed Castiel long, deep and sweet, and when he let go of his lips he stayed close, with their foreheads pressed together. "I love you too, Cas," he said against his lips and Castiel smiled, knowing that for once in his life everything was going to be okay.

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**A/N: So. This is how this story ends. I know it was a bit cheesy (and this chapter was also very short), but I just couldn't help myself! This story has been living with me since this summer, and it's kinda sad to part with it, but I feel that I also have to move on to some new stories (my brain is full of ideas, and I just need to get them down on paper, well computer but still) so I'm ending this. I hope that you've liked this thing, and a special thanks to the people who's been following from the beginning, reviewing, and helped me moving this story on in any possible way. Thank you and I hope that you've liked it. :)**


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